1. Stop leaving me inside all night when your iPhone calls for a 10 percent chance of thunderstorms and yes, I can dodge a bullet, I mean lightning strike. You've seen me do it more than once and I lived.
2. When I am sitting by the gate at 2 pm when it's 15 degrees outside, I really want to come in. I'm not waiting for Godot, I am waiting for you to come and bring me to my somewhat warmer stall and pile of hay.
3. Do I really have to work at 6:30 am in the summer? I am retired you know.....but I do like the new footing in the ring, very soft....
4. Why does Alfie get twice as much hay as me and four times as much grain? I am the same size. We wear the same blankets, the same size girth. What gives? Is it because he has those movie star looks?
5. Altoids? What happened to the Altoids? When we were showing they came out at least twice a weekend. Now, maybe once every two months. Did they stop making them? Are we on a budget? Truman gets his cats treats every day I am told.
6. And what happened to your clippers? Are they broken? We clipped in March. I usually get clipped three times every summer and into the fall. Is it wrong to want to look good even though I don't leave the farm that much anymore? A girl just wants to look good.
7. Do I have to continue to cart every human who comes to the farm and says "I want to ride one of your horses!" Does it have to be me? Let them ride Alfie, or better yet, Lola. Bet they'll never ask to ride one of your horses ever again...
8. How much longer do I have to wear that wretched purple nylon grazing muzzle? And who picked the color? Was it you? You hate purple. It must have been on sale somewhere. How would you like having a muzzle around your face 12 hours a day?
9. And lastly, why, why, why have you thrown me in the field with a three-year-old OTTB who wants to run around and play all day and all night? I mean, it's like being thrown in the room with ten kindergarten kids. She does not slow down. Valium, maybe some wine for this youngster....have you thought about trying that? Have you thought about our age difference? Girls just want to have fun but our definition of fun, well, let's say we are not in the same galaxy....
Love you Mom! Thanks for letting me vent. And thanks for cleaning the stall every single day!