- Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away; shout "get off, get off!"
- Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall" and roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.
- Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write a $200 check without even looking down. Repeat at least four times a week.
- Jog long distances carrying a halter and holding out a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing. They might as well know now.
- Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling it to a halt, smile as if you are really having fun and your arms don't kill you.
- Practice your fibbing skills. "See, moving hay bales in 15 degree weather is fun." "I am glad your lucky performance and multi-million dollar horse won first place."
- Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
- Borrow the US Army slogan: "Be all that you can be" but add "bitten, thrown, trampled, kicked and slimed."
- Lie face down in the mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience."
- Marry money!
To Read: Nick Hornby’s Funny Girl
5 hours ago