Big trot - can't canter
Nicely started - lunges but can't afford insurance to ride him
Top show horse - won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with low entries due to a hurricane.
Home bred - knows nothing except being raised on the front porch
Recently vetted - someone else found somthing terribly wrong
Big boned - good thing he has a mane and tail otherwise would be mistaken for a cow or a draft
Doing courses - when tranqualized and lunged for 6 hours beforehand
Well-mannered - hasn't stepped on, bitten, dragged or kicked anyone for a week
Professionally trained - hasn't stepped on, bitten, dragged or kicked anyone for a month
Should mature to 16.hh - currently 15.hh and dam is 14.2hh, sire is 15.hh and every ancestor is under 15.hh but this horse will defy his DNA and grow
Bold - runaway
Athletic - runaway
Needs intermediate rider - runaway
Needs experienced rider-"dead" runaway
Dead quiet - when drugged and lunged (see above)
No vices - especially when he wears a muzzle
Excellent disposition - never been out of his stall
Good broodmare prospect -not a chance she is rideable
Good dressage prospect - tried him in hunter and he's a maniac over fences or hangs legs badly over the jumps
Good western prospect - only if you are into bucking broncos
Easy to catch - only if you are in a 10 by 10 stall
Loads well - after starving for three days and putting grain inside the trailer
Spirited - loves to run out all the time, even with a rider on its back
Good mother - awful at everything else
Easy breeder- a stallion that will mount everything that moves
Spectacularly marked - terrible conformation but pretty spots
Always in the ribbons -10th place out of 10 riders
Scopey - jumps out of every paddock
Wonderful halter prospect - bred for beauty, not brains
Ladies horse - loves women but will kill any man
Easily ridable in halter and lead - just don't put a saddle on her
Works well off of rear - because the front is usually off the ground
This is hilarious. I've bought so many over the years and donated a few. Never got into the selling thing, but I've encountered lots of these excuses!
ReplyDeletexo Nancy