There's a life adjustment when you lose a loved one like I recently did, where there's a hole now filled with ache and longing. You know you'll never see that person again, who will fill those shoes, albeit in a very different way?
When you retire your beloved horse, one that you bonded with and competed over many years, there's a part of you missing, one that you often look back on with sadness, wishing that you had that once again.
Maybe you have to learn to be braver than you ever thought you could be. You have to take more uncalculated risks, put yourself out there more, don't you think, way beyond your comfort zone. As Picasso so wisely said, "I am always doing that which I cannot do in order that I may learn how to do it."
Filling that void can indeed be painful and difficult but formulated correctly can breathe new life into an old one. Be brave out there!
It is SO hard to say goodbye to the horse partner.
ReplyDeleteAfter I retired my horse 5 years ago, I started selling things... and at one point a lady asked about 10 times 'are you sure' about selling his bridle. I was starting to wonder about her.... but a few miles down the road without that bridle it hit me, and I understood why she had asked.
I actually tried riding, with that very 'are you sure' lady on a lovely lesson horse... but the 'it's not the same' is just something I can not get over. So I no longer ride.
Harder than that is that I still have him and have spent a good deal of time these last 5 years considering if he was suffering or how much, and if that 'time' had arrived. Luckily it's hasn't yet, but the 'Long Goodbye' hurts.
I cry every time I go to the barn. Every. Time. I hate seeing him so old, frail.
And I thought my furniture would be the 'what's next' but that hasn't worked out, and I am still in a 'what next' limbo.
My ambition to have a horse and ride was what fueled my career, everything I did.
Without it, I'm kinda' lost.
I agree, thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteThere is a good article in the Chronicle of Claire Smith, who, after being a Canadian Team Event rider had a catastrophic fall. It ended her career as a rider. The article tells of her coming "full circle". I wish I had said more to her at the time she was going through it all....
Now, she gives me inspiration as I work through retiring from my career with horses and move into something else. Something I am no where near as good at :) Something that I will have to do because I am not good at it....
Great post. Pearce.